Perfection vs. Procrastination

There is a saying that practice makes perfect, but I don't feel that applies when I am writing. Sure, I have seen improvements in my writing as time goes on but there is still that gnawing feeling every time I hand in an article that there is something not right, or that something can be better.

I know that nobody is the perfect writer but that doesn't stop me wanting to be perfect. And there lies my trouble. Perfection. OCD. Whatever you want to call it, I think I have it. I know that in some ways it is a good thing because it has helped get where I am today but at the same time I think it hurts me in the sense that I waste time worrying.

I want everything to be perfect so instead of just writing something and handing it in, I always dawdle over it. I will find the smallest detail and find it to be wrong or that it has to be fixed. Sometimes, I think that is why I wait till the last minute to write up my articles. I don't have time to think, just do. Sure in the back of my mind I constantly think that everything is wrong but there is nothing that I can do about it. But that leaves me with my next problem of stressing myself out.

In waiting till the last minute, I mainly stress about getting the piece done in time. I work furiously, snapping at people who interrupt me, constantly grasping at each minute as it passes by. I stress that I am not writing something the right way and that if I didn't wait so long I could have done it better. I want to cry when something isn't coming out right but I have no time to fix it. I bite my lip as I wait for my editor to read the piece and pick out the smallest details that I failed to see.

But then, surprisingly she will turn to me and say that it is fine.

I still haven't figured out what to make of my dilemma. Perhaps, I shouldn't worry too much and just let things take me to where they will but at the same time, that worrying helps me get things done the right way. Perhaps I shouldn't try to be a perfectionist because noone is perfect, especially in writing, but does it really hurt to try? After all, what doesn't hurt you, only makes you stronger.  Perhaps, waiting till the last minute has made my writing perfection because I don't worry about those little things.

This ramble probably doesn't make much sense, but it has been something I have been thinking about more and more lately as I finally realize why I haven't written anything in the past two years. Now that I am forced to write due to my job, I constantly have to make the decision, whether to start right away and deal with my perfectionist attitude, or just push it aside till deadline when I give half-assed work and pray that it will suffice.