Confidence Confidence Confidence!

 My editor sat at the computer, editing my article as I looked over her shoulder. (The good thing about my editor is that she involves you in the editing process, so you have a say if something is getting changed and you can understand what mistakes your making.) She turned to me every so often and asked me what something meant or what was being said but she wasn't necessarily editing.

"This is good," she said when she got done. "Your story is solid. Solid. There are no holes in it."

I breathed a sigh of relief and gave a half smile. I knew that I had been over thinking things yet again. 

She laughed. "Don't worry so much. Your writing has come so far in a year. Look I'm making minimal corrections. Have some confidence."

Confidence.

"I guess I am just scared to disappoint," I said..

"Don't worry about me. It's not about me. It's about you," she said. "Don't worry, as you get more comfortable your confidence will grow."

I hope so.

I realized that the confidence thing does hinder my writing. I spent two hours just writing a lead, only to give up and let my editor do it.

 I thought I was getting over this last month when I was writing multiple stories in a day with few or minimal corrections. It was so easy. Somewhere though I have taken a step back.

I think it happened when I started to get recognition for my work. In the past two weeks, I have had countless emails commenting on my coverage or personally requesting me to write about a specific event.
It was than that I realized just how many people are reading my work. It's not like I'm writing a story for myself. I'm writing for an audience. This gets printed in a newspaper and is dispersed to 10 different towns where hundreds of people are waiting.

Could it be fear? Perhaps. Afraid to disappoint. Afraid to get that comment saying that I reported something wrong, which is something I notices that my competition does constantly.

I worry too much. That is my problem. I just have to take that mantra I used back in college. If they like it, they like it; they don't they don't. Shrug it off and move on.