Confidence Confidence Confidence!

 My editor sat at the computer, editing my article as I looked over her shoulder. (The good thing about my editor is that she involves you in the editing process, so you have a say if something is getting changed and you can understand what mistakes your making.) She turned to me every so often and asked me what something meant or what was being said but she wasn't necessarily editing.

"This is good," she said when she got done. "Your story is solid. Solid. There are no holes in it."

I breathed a sigh of relief and gave a half smile. I knew that I had been over thinking things yet again. 

She laughed. "Don't worry so much. Your writing has come so far in a year. Look I'm making minimal corrections. Have some confidence."

Confidence.

"I guess I am just scared to disappoint," I said..

"Don't worry about me. It's not about me. It's about you," she said. "Don't worry, as you get more comfortable your confidence will grow."

I hope so.

I realized that the confidence thing does hinder my writing. I spent two hours just writing a lead, only to give up and let my editor do it.

 I thought I was getting over this last month when I was writing multiple stories in a day with few or minimal corrections. It was so easy. Somewhere though I have taken a step back.

I think it happened when I started to get recognition for my work. In the past two weeks, I have had countless emails commenting on my coverage or personally requesting me to write about a specific event.
It was than that I realized just how many people are reading my work. It's not like I'm writing a story for myself. I'm writing for an audience. This gets printed in a newspaper and is dispersed to 10 different towns where hundreds of people are waiting.

Could it be fear? Perhaps. Afraid to disappoint. Afraid to get that comment saying that I reported something wrong, which is something I notices that my competition does constantly.

I worry too much. That is my problem. I just have to take that mantra I used back in college. If they like it, they like it; they don't they don't. Shrug it off and move on.

When Inspiration Hits

The few ideas that were popping up here or there turned into a flood that spread to about 10 pages in my new journal. I don't know how it happened. I wasn't even planning to write.

I walked in my room and sat at my desk. In the back of my brain, I knew that I should really try to get some work done because I am behind this week, but of course I was procrastinating. I just came home from work, I didn't want to work more.

I looked over and saw my journal lying on my desk. I remembered a few quotes that I wanted to jot down so I unwound the string that tied the leather binding closed and opened to a blank page. I needed a pen and grabbed my fountain pen.

The pen wrote smoother on the parchment paper that the journal is made of. This is how those geniuses used to write back in the day. The same geniuses that inspire me to write everyday. I guess it was the mixture of a new writing surface and the fact that I just didn't think when I started writing.

I wrote the two quotes and flipped to a new page. I had written down a few character portraits, some quotes and figured that I might as well get some ideas for settings. Looking out side I saw the maple tree in my front yard, which is starting to grow some buds.

I started just writing about the tree and the next thing I knew my hand was flying across the page, quickly scribbling. I wasn't thinking just writing. Nothing is specific, just a cohesion of ideas. The description of the tree, then the bench beneath it, the stark contrast to the house, then suddenly a woman standing there and on and on.

As it continued, it clicked what the story was going to be. The story was unrolling before me faster than I could grasp it but then I realized I didn't want to take a hold of it fully. I wasn't going to get specifics down, specific descriptions, or specific looks.I just wanted to get my initial thoughts down and I even switched point of view, from third to first, but i didn't go back to edit or correct, I just kept writing. Not thinking.

About 20 minutes later, I had completed about 10 pages of what is to be the first chapter. The first wave of the flood had begun to ebb and I put my pen down, a little tired but strangely rejuvenated.The last time I felt like that was back in high school when I wrote my first novella.

When the flood hit then, I was in the shower and I literally jumped out of the shower, threw some clothes on, grabbed my notebook and wrote.

I had forgotten how fun it could be just to get lost in my ideas. It was refreshing and I was satisfied. I feel the waters beginning to rise again but I refuse to do anything until the flood hits. That is when I am at my most creative.

Power of Observation

All the new people I have met and the new things I have experienced has suddenly set my muse aflame with ideas. For the past day or so ideas have been popping into my head out of nowhere. I have also noticed that I have begun to study people, notice more what they are wearing or how they carry themselves, their actions. I figured that I should not let these observations go unnoted. All these people are a character, in some way shape or form.

In creative writing class a few years ago (3 years!), my creative writing teacher gave us a writing prompt where we were instructed to write about a character, picking something specific about the charater that made him memorable. At the time, since it was still relatively new to me, I used the robbery at Rite Aid and focused on his eyes, those dark, brown orbs I stared into for five minutes. The purpose of the exercise was to learn character development.

So I figured that since I am interested in observing everyone at the moment, I might as well start keeping a writing journal, a journal of just random observations I notice, whether it be people, places, things, dialogue between people, anything that I could use later on to develop a story. What could it hurt right?

I ran to Barnes and Noble and bought a leather bound journal, something I knew that I would want to write in, something I wouldn't mind carrying around with me. It took me an hour to do so and was almost late to a meeting, but I did it.

As soon as I opened to the first page, the first thing I did was write about the one character that I knew the best, myself. Not only did I describe my physical features, but I described my personality too as well. It was rather fun and not as hard as I thought.

Then I moved on to the next person I saw, which was the lawyer for the council. His balding head was as shiny as a newly waxed floor that if it weren't for my antiglare glasses, I might have had to squint. He was a little more difficult to describe because I automatically wanted to say that he was your typical middle aged lawyer, but this is a generalization and not descriptive at all. It was rather fun, sitting there, studying someone and noting down their traits.

It will definitely be interesting what kind of random things I fill this journal with because I want to take down everything I see, hear, taste, feel, and smell. So many writers start out with random jumbled journals that they manage to utilize. I think this will get the juices flowing and provide me with an unlimiting resource.

Back yard wonderland

I lay on the hammock, gently swinging as a soft breeze floated over me. I attempted to get lost in the world of Barbara Kingsolver but I was getting distracted. The birds were out in abundance, enjoying this rare warm spring day in April, singing merrily and be playful as they flew in an out of the holly tree that stood just beyond my feet. I couldn't see through the branches but I could hear them fluttering around in there.

Then I heard another noise, a rustling from behind me. It was the large overgrown tree that seem to have grown under the ground and up up and away. It was full of undergrowth, there was no sign of the tree trunk. It reminded me of a bush rather than a tree.

The rustling was distinct, as if something was playing in there but what was it? I spent a few minutes just staring at the tree, waiting for something to come running out from underneath. I knew it wasn't the birds because I distinctly heard steps. Whatever it was, was on the ground, moving the undergrowth. I thought maybe it was the rabbit that lived under there and immediately I thought of Alice falling down the rabbit hole.

I wandered what kind of world lay just beyond the few branches that reached out to me.  Were they beckoning me to come join them? If I pushed aside a few limbs would I find a completely different scene? I wanted to. I could get lost in another world for a few hours. As I studied the tree, I realized how much more life was in there. The birds flying in and out continuously, the flies and bees fluttering about just outside. They all had a purpose, I suppose. The birds off to do errands, getting food perhaps and the bees standing guard, making sure that no intruder stepped into that  world, an intruder such as me.

I decided to leave the tree alone for today. I didn't want to disturb the goings on that was occuring. The tree was a hive of activity that didn't need me disrupting it but it didn't stop me from watching the tree with a smile on my face.

Clue: Word Game with Black Boxes

Answer: Crossword  Puzzle

Growing up I always watched my mom doing the crossword puzzles in the newspaper, doing them so fast and filling in each blank spot quickly, so assured. As I got older my curiosity got the best of me but when I first decided to try my hand at it, I was completely stumped. A hint such as 'take place' would have had me completely stumped.

At some point I sat down one day and actually studied and thought about the puzzle. What was the point of the hints. And then it hit me, the answers were synonyms.  So using the hint as above I automatically thought 'happen' or 'occur' only to find out that the answer was three letters. What was three letters for something that is taking place. So I tried a different tactic asking myself what happens when something is taking place. Well it is occuring. Then I thought when? Something that is taking place is happening in the present, now. What is a three letter word that is now? Then the lightbulb: ARE.

Many people don't even attempt to do the crossword because it requires too much thinking but I have found that it has been a great teaching tool by increasing my vocabulary and in my profession that is a valuable asset. Also it is a great trivia game as well. Beside clues about words, there are clues for book titles, movies, famous people, history. Basically the crossword covers everything.

As I became better and better at the puzzle, I began to wonder how the puzzle is made. I mean how do they manage to get every answer coincide with the question or clue while having each letter coincide with the other clues.

A few weeks ago, I found a documentary about the crossword puzzle. Basically it focused around the New York Times puzzles, which are said to be among the hardest to do. The crossword puzzle editor Will Shortz basically is a genius.

While he doesn't create the puzzle, it did show how the puzzle is created. There is definitely a formula that goes into every crossword. A specific percentage of the puzzle can have black squares but the puzzles doesn't start with those. Nor does it start with the clues. It actually begins with the answers. They figure out what theme of the puzzle is going to be. using that theme they place the main word in the center of the puzzle. Whatever word that is, then they figure out what the clue will be. Then they work from there, with each word centered around that theme somehow. It's complete genius.

Will Shortz makes each day of the week a different skill level. So Monday is the easiest and then Sunday is the hardest. Hence why the Sunday crossword is so popular. Anyway, when the puzzlemaker is creating the puzzle, he gives it to Shortz basically who then takes a dictionary and finds the clue that will fit with that day of the week. Genius.

I am still on the easy-to-do crosswords and haven't moved to the New York Times yet but one of these days, I am going to sit down and be able to complete a  whole puzzle in that paper.

Full Speed Ahead

I was sitting around wondering what to do this Thursday evening, having actually come home at a decent hour, and I realized that I haven't blogged in a while. Sure enough, upon logging on, there was my last post dated for October. Damn. I have been away for awhile and yet I haven't really gotten anywhere.

You might say that my life has unexpectedly gotten on a course that is programmed for full-speed ahead. I am still at the newspaper and doing great. There was a time, a few months ago, right around the holidays that I hit sort of a speed bump that had me struggling to regain control. It seemed that nothing that I did at work was going right from handing in enough stories a week to handing them in at a decent time. At one point I thought that I might lose my job, though my boss assured me that would never happen. I realized that I needed to readjust my controls. Now I am back on course with more work than I can handle a week. My desk has become a cluttered mess as my story list seems to grow more and more each day. More and more people are reading my work and I am actually being requested to go to meetings. People anticipate my articles and ask me when a certian article will appear. I am pumping out about 6 stories a week on average.

My writing, in of itself has taken a dramatic change and has advanced to a whole new level. Even my audience has noticed the change. I have become comfortable with the writing process now which is probably why my course load has increased. While before it would take me a whole day to pump out one story, I can now write two, sometimes three, depending on my mood.

The other part of my life is my new relationship that puts me on a level playing field. While my career comes first and I think it will for quite awhile, it is nice to be able to have company on those days outside of work, to fill in the hours that I would probably spend in my room being bored. I have done more in the past 6 months than I have in the past year, from concerts to camping, I have done things that I have never done before.

My future is looking bright and with each passing day, I become more and more excited. I can definitely see something big happening in the next year or so. Although it is not clear at the moment, I know it will show itself eventually.